Easy like Sunday morning...

10-15 Some Things On Sunday | 5:48 Read

Hey friends, I’m back from POHTA REECO! Had to check in on Bad Bunny and make sure he’s ready for the SuperBowl. I actually have never listened to his music until after the announcement but I listened to it in the gym this week and WEPAAAA it’s a vibe. It’s on heavy repeat now. Baby estaré LISTO para el Super Bowl, ya heard!

Sometimes being difficult is worth it…

I realized I’m a liar. Not big lies. I lie when I say I’m okay with something I’m not. I lie when I smile and go along with plans I didn’t want to go along with. I lie when I act unbothered by something someone does that actually hurts my feelings.

My birthday was last Thursday. My sister and I went out in Puerto Rico for my birthday dinner. I wanted to get the local dish, Mofongo, from a restaurant I had eaten at last time I was there. But instead of saying that, I stood in front of their largely displayed menu and asked my sister if she wanted to eat there. She didn’t see anything on the menu she wanted to so we did a full lap of La Placita, an area where there are lots of bars and restaurants, looking at every menu to see if she was feeling it. She never once asked me “well sis, where do YOU want to eat, it’s YOUR birthday?”. She narrowed it down to two restaurants - the one I secretly wanted to eat at and the one next door. She ended up choosing the restaurant next door and I went along with it, quietly sulking through the meal. Their Mofongo turned out to be HORRIBLE by the way. I had 2 bites and didn’t eat anything else.

I wanted to be mad at my sister for not asking my preference. It was MY birthday after all, right? But when I thought back on it, since it was MY birthday AND I had a preference, I should have just spoken up. But instead, I lied so that I could continue to be easy to be around.

In the past, I’ve worn that identity like a badge. I’m the flexible, low-maintenance, go-with-the-flow girl. I’ve somehow decided that being agreeable makes me more worthy. I do it because, in true Libra fashion, I care about being liked.

Some people call it people pleasing, being “too nice” and “too accommodating” and attribute it to selflessness and martyrdom. Eh, I think it’s ego.

Being easy to be around is honestly controlling. It sounds selfless, but really it’s about managing perception and managing the relationship so there’s no conflict, no rejection, and no mess. Libra’s famously hate conflict and mess. If I get to manage the perception and the relationship, then I’m also the one who gets to ‘win’ at the relationship. I’m the one who sacrifices, who goes the extra mile, who smooths things over. And that makes me look like the nice one. Ego.

In Psychology this is called self-silencing. It’s the habit of hiding your needs to keep the peace. It looks like kindness, but it’s also fear. The fear of being seen as selfish, demanding, or “difficult.” And for Libras, who are innately wired to maintain harmony, it’s almost instinctive to go along to get along for harmony’s sake.

And we’re just talking about friends and family, don’t get me started on romantic relationships, we’ll have to hit that in a sequel.

Maybe it’s time to reconsider what “being difficult” even means to me. Because having preferences isn’t difficult. Expressing disappointment or hurt feelings isn’t difficult. Asking for what I want isn’t difficult. What’s crazy is, I don’t think my friends are being difficult when they do these things. Even when I do think my friends are being “difficult” I don’t love them any less.

And actually, in trying to be liked, I’m often left feeling unseen. Like I was on my birthday. Being “easy to be around” quietly reinforces a story of unworthiness. Somehow I got it into my head that if I’m hard to deal with or hard to be around, people will choose not to deal with me or be around me. I’ve essentially decided I have to be easy to be worthy.

The truth is, I was born worthy.

September 25th. 47 years ago. At 3:08am.

I was worthy even then.

Something has to be done…

What’s happening in Chicago is horrific and terrifying. Helicopters landed on an apartment building in the middle of the night and ICE agents repelled down the sides of the walls and broke into the apartments of United States Citizens, ripping them out of bed, zip-typing them, and detaining them for hours - this included children.

It puts me in the mindset of Comuna 13, a small community in Medellin, Colombia where the government, in an attempt to flush out guerilla forces, launched a large scale military attack on the entire neighborhood. They brought in helicopters and opened fire on the entire community resulting in widespread violence, displacement, and long-lasting trauma.

What happened in Chicago wasn’t as heavily escalated as this…yet. It doesn’t mean it won’t escalate to that point.

My question is, what do we DO about this? Being outraged in the comfort of our homes and merely reposting quotes and frames doesn’t feel like enough.

I know there is a planned protest in Chicago called No Kings on Oct. 18th. Details can be found here. If you know if any other ways we can take action, please do share.

Some stuff I’ve posted lately…

I’m back to regularly posting content on YT and IG. In case you missed it, here are a few of the things I’ve shared recently:

• It’s Not Too Late to Lock In - If you’re feeling behind on the Great Lock In that started September 1st, this video is for you. I’m sharing a framework to get you going and help you be focused and consistent through the final quarter of the year

• 5 Things That Put Me In a Micro-Depression - In this October life update, I’m sharing 5 mistakes I made that really brought me down. Plus I’m sharing an update on my goals for September and what I’m looking forward to in October.

• Weekly Vlog - I post a weekly vlog on IG. I usually fall behind on it because they are hard to make but I still love posting them. Here’s the latest one.

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Ok, ya’ll have a great week ya’ll.